Hearts and Minds

A year ago today I lost a very dear friend.  She was loud and opinionated and we agreed on almost nothing, which is what made our relationship fun and exciting.  Gail had been a client of my mom’s since before I was born (my mom is a hair dresser) and we would see her every six weeks like clockwork.  She always took a special interest in my sister, brother, and me.  When we were kids she would ask about our lives and in high school I would haunt the basement during her appointments to visit with her.  She always wanted to know what I was up to, where I was headed in my life.  Through the years her consistent interest helped to keep me focused and on track.  As I got older, I would go to Gail’s, rather than the basement, to hone my debate skills.  On Sunday afternoons we would talk about: science, ethics, politics, social culture, medicine, work, school, boys, you name it we covered it.

If we landed anywhere near politics in our debate you could guarantee Gail would take the opposite side I was on and we would point/counter-point for hours on end.  We never changed the other's opinion, we never intended to, but through the tough questions and difficult scenarios that she presented me I was able to understand my argument more deeply and feel confident to defend it to a harsh world.

Gail believed in me, but not to a fault, she was a person who was willing and able to point out your shortcomings, while highlighting and encouraging your strengths.  I would tell her my half-brained schemes and she would tell me which bits weren’t so “half-brained” and then tell me to chuck the rest. J

She had Scleroderma and spent the last few months of her life in hospitals and nursing homes.  During this time I was honored to help her with some of the tough medical and life decisions.  She was a woman who truly believed in my abilities in my field, sometimes more than I believed in myself.  Our Sunday visits definitely helped get me through grad school and one of them even inspired my master’s project.  Thank God, because up until the day before the topic was due I hadn’t the slightest idea what it might be.

I miss her today.  She would have gotten a kick out of finding the soft points in my blog arguments and keeping me on my toes.  Thinking about her and those wonderful Sunday afternoons made me remember why I wanted to do this in the first place: it’s the thrill of the fight.  I want to strengthen my own arguments, dive into my own opinions and make sure they are right.  I want to hear advocates of the other side do the same thing.  I didn’t get into this field to prove I’m right or because I think I’m the smartest person in the room.  I do it for personal growth and the opportunity to awaken those sleeping on these issues, to inspire them to find their passion, and change the hearts and minds of the disinterested.