Unsung Heroes

It has been on my heart for a while now to write an article about the unsung heroes (or heroines rather) of adoption: the birth mothers, women who carry an unplanned pregnancy to term and decide that it is best to find the child another home.

Over the last few months the stigma we place upon women who put a child up for adoption has become more evident to me.  Listening to some of the subtle ways we undermine that choice, is heartbreaking. We more than imply that abortion is a better option, often it is outright stated.  We suggest that the woman couldn’t raise the child herself, or didn’t care for the child enough to try, when in reality adoption in today’s world is an extremely difficult and loving choice.    

Here is a woman who found herself in an unplanned pregnancy and decided to make an incredible sacrifice in a world of quick fixes.  She sacrificed her body, her physical comfort, and endured societal judgment to give her child a chance at life, knowing that she may never know what that child does with it.  These are women who want so desperately to give their child the best chance that they are willing to admit to themselves and the world that they need help.  Imagine the courage that would take.

We humans don’t like to admit that we can’t do something.  We all have our stubborn “I can do it myself” moments: maybe you scratch your floor moving furniture that’s too heavy for one person, don’t ask your boss for clearer directions on a complicated assignment, insist you can fix that plumbing issue, or install that new dishwasher without even reading the directions.  We never want the world to witness our weaknesses, our perceived failures, or our flaws.  “Never let them see you sweat,” right?  These birth mothers have fought that impulse and won.  What courage…what strength…what unshakable love.

The choice of adoption is also a gift to the adoptive family.  There are so many couples unable to have children of their own, waiting for a child to love.  These people join long waiting lists to adopt, while over 3,000 pregnancies are terminated through abortion each DAY.

I am not trying to say that adoption is the right choice for every woman in an unplanned pregnancy situation, but rather that we should work to change the social stigma of it.  Women who lovingly choose to give their child a better home through adoption should be supported through this difficult decision.

When you see a woman who has made the choice of adoption recognize that she has processed the responsibility of raising a child in her personal situation (whatever it may be) and has said to her child, “I want better for you than I can give.”  What a pure expression of love through sacrifice.